A quick note to apologise for the lack of input recently, I have left my job and dropped my laptop on the floor, so do not have internet access anywhere.
As soon as I do, tales regarding your favourite pets in the whole wide world with recommence!
*buy Vanity Fair this month, theres a fabulous section on really expensive jewellery.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Medicine
It is a well known fact that the Chinese use animal parts in their traditional medicine.
It is not a well know fact that Crocodiles use human parts for their traditional medicines.
This human hand will help the Crocodile combat gout and scrofula, give him energy, a sense of enormous well being and will make him more virile.
*please do not try this at home. Cannibalism is illegal, and you need a wild animal license for crocodiles.
It is not a well know fact that Crocodiles use human parts for their traditional medicines.
This human hand will help the Crocodile combat gout and scrofula, give him energy, a sense of enormous well being and will make him more virile.
*please do not try this at home. Cannibalism is illegal, and you need a wild animal license for crocodiles.
Kanga who?
It is a well known fact that Kangaroo's are professional boxers and live in Australia.
They can bounce very well, give birth to microscopic grubs and have a penchant for packed lunches.
It is not a well known fact that some Kangaroo's have to live in detention centres, like this one, on tiny Islands of the Coast of Australia.
These are the Kangaroo's who have been found convicted of drink driving, refusing to call women 'Sheila' whilst insinuating everyone else is a flaming Galah, and for throwing too many shrimp on the barby.
It is in these hostile and unwelcoming detention centre's that they are weaned off their fosters addiction, taught the correct use of colloquialisms and how to drive safely while under the influence of barbeque food.
They can bounce very well, give birth to microscopic grubs and have a penchant for packed lunches.
It is not a well known fact that some Kangaroo's have to live in detention centres, like this one, on tiny Islands of the Coast of Australia.
These are the Kangaroo's who have been found convicted of drink driving, refusing to call women 'Sheila' whilst insinuating everyone else is a flaming Galah, and for throwing too many shrimp on the barby.
It is in these hostile and unwelcoming detention centre's that they are weaned off their fosters addiction, taught the correct use of colloquialisms and how to drive safely while under the influence of barbeque food.
Run's
Trotter loves the new kitchen, as it gives him extra space in which to race up and down in a pointless happy fashion, especially when he has had one of his poo's upstairs, as it gives him a bit more of a run up to the coffee table.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Hi Honey, I'm Home!
Its been a long time my friends, much has happened in between times.
My last entry concerned Marthas confusion and my concussion, thankfully I am over the concussion which left me house bound for a week. Unfortunately Martha is still very confused.
I have been to Blackpool Pride.
Fing has been to the Pan-Pacific dance competition in Australia where he made the heats but was shimmied out of the competition by a Brazilian with liquid hips, a mullet and a lovely waxed moustache. Fing watched from the side lines and decided next year would be his year and wondered where to get wax for moustaches.
Giggsey Girl the Stupid Slug Face and Tutz entered the Cheese Rolling competition at Coopers Hill in Gloustershire. having four legs they had the advantage over all the stupid bipeds who cartwheeled their way to the bottom of the hill.
Lulu has been flying her kite. Know that there is a gate in the back garden she has found it easier to get to the Green Hill and stand on top to watch the beautiful kite flutter in the wind.
Fat Boy Faggot has been writing to his pen pals, drinking champagne and leading his usual life of idolatry and hedonism.
And Trotter? Trotter has been alternating between exceptionally good and exceptionally bad, almost as if his brain is trying to make a decision, finally, which way to go. He has been exceptionally good as Ali and Fly ripped out the kitchen and installed all the new units, he laid on the sofa and didn't bark or moan.
However, the price for all this goodness all day long is a build up of badness that hasn't had time to escape in the day.
Trotter has escaped 3 times, the first was on Friday when I was wearing a dress and high heels that hadn't been designed for chasing small shabby dogs around council estates. The following 2 occasions were on Saturday and caused such mayhem around the estate that a new child gate was purchased and firmly fixed to the wall.
Trotter is barking more in the mornings, almost as a prelude to his goodness throughout the day. Now that the house is open plan the sound reverberates around the house like machine gun fire and is very distressing at ten to 7 in the morning.
Trotter has taking to Shoe-mining in my bedroom and a large collection of my shoes are in the potpourri as a safety measure.
Because Trotter is being so completely naughty at night he sleeps like a little angel, and when I get up in the morning he is so fast asleep that the little bugger doesn't even wake up until I have returned from the bath. He lifts his little whiskery head and stretches his wretched little body and looks so cute with his sleepy face that you remember why its all worth while.
My last entry concerned Marthas confusion and my concussion, thankfully I am over the concussion which left me house bound for a week. Unfortunately Martha is still very confused.
I have been to Blackpool Pride.
Fing has been to the Pan-Pacific dance competition in Australia where he made the heats but was shimmied out of the competition by a Brazilian with liquid hips, a mullet and a lovely waxed moustache. Fing watched from the side lines and decided next year would be his year and wondered where to get wax for moustaches.
Giggsey Girl the Stupid Slug Face and Tutz entered the Cheese Rolling competition at Coopers Hill in Gloustershire. having four legs they had the advantage over all the stupid bipeds who cartwheeled their way to the bottom of the hill.
Lulu has been flying her kite. Know that there is a gate in the back garden she has found it easier to get to the Green Hill and stand on top to watch the beautiful kite flutter in the wind.
Fat Boy Faggot has been writing to his pen pals, drinking champagne and leading his usual life of idolatry and hedonism.
And Trotter? Trotter has been alternating between exceptionally good and exceptionally bad, almost as if his brain is trying to make a decision, finally, which way to go. He has been exceptionally good as Ali and Fly ripped out the kitchen and installed all the new units, he laid on the sofa and didn't bark or moan.
However, the price for all this goodness all day long is a build up of badness that hasn't had time to escape in the day.
Trotter has escaped 3 times, the first was on Friday when I was wearing a dress and high heels that hadn't been designed for chasing small shabby dogs around council estates. The following 2 occasions were on Saturday and caused such mayhem around the estate that a new child gate was purchased and firmly fixed to the wall.
Trotter is barking more in the mornings, almost as a prelude to his goodness throughout the day. Now that the house is open plan the sound reverberates around the house like machine gun fire and is very distressing at ten to 7 in the morning.
Trotter has taking to Shoe-mining in my bedroom and a large collection of my shoes are in the potpourri as a safety measure.
Because Trotter is being so completely naughty at night he sleeps like a little angel, and when I get up in the morning he is so fast asleep that the little bugger doesn't even wake up until I have returned from the bath. He lifts his little whiskery head and stretches his wretched little body and looks so cute with his sleepy face that you remember why its all worth while.
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