Tasty Treats and Stomach Cramps

It was the smell of shit that gave him away.

I had been taking down the decorations, as you do on the 12th night, and had found one of throws down the back of the 3 seater settee. It was neatly folded so I pulled it back up onto the sofa along with 2 cardigans that I had forgotten existed.

I carefully packed away the plastic angel lights and the synthetic golden flower lights into their respective boxes and then took them upstairs for storage as i do, without fail, every 12th night after Christmas.

I sat down and logged on with Trotter sat beside me and was not in any way unduly concerned when he started to lick the throw. As he is prone to random acts of fervent licking I paid him no heed until the smell of shit gently wafted past my left nostril.

Having just been upstairs I wondered if one of the pets had laid a log and i'd failed to notice it in my packing away of lights.

Alas no.

It would appear that one of our feline friends had used the throw behind the sofa as a latrine and Trotter was licking and chewing his way through the dried encrusted mess.

As I mentioned this to Martha she started to heave and I, obviously, started to laugh. She told me if I didn't stop laughing at her she would throttle me with my head band. Trotter became upset as he didn't understand why we wouldn't let him kiss us so became overwrought and started to chew on a diesel trainer. Fing, bastard that he is, hit Trotter round the head with an irritated paw, which in turn caused Trotter to leap at Fat Boy who was minding his business behind me on the sofa. I had to log off of Facebook to calm the situation down.

Seriously, in this house a little bit of shit goes a long way.