Beyond Measure

People ask me how much I love Fing,

'How much do you love Fing?', they say

I love Fing so much, I reply, that when he pisses into my beautiful, BEAUTIFUL, brand new red shoes that I laugh, wash them, then put them on the shelves like some random ornaments to dry, and when I still can't get the smell out I borrow Milan's cedar shoe tree's and force them into my ruby slippers to try to get the smell out and even though nothing has worked and the piss has taken some of the coulour out, becuase I love them so much, I keep them on top of my wardrobe with the shoe tree's in in the vain, stupid hope that one day, one day, I will be able to wear them again.

Thats one fuck of a lot of love my friends.

Unmeasurable

Some people have asked me how much I love Trotter.

'How much do you love Trotter?' they say.

I love him so much, I reply, that I do not mind when he sits on my bare feet and his little hairy testicles nestle against my skin.

Thats a lot of love my friends.