'Racoons are the most dangerous animals in the world. They are more dangerous than a charging bull elephant, more lethal than a hippo playing water polo.
They are more menacing than a pride of lions, tackling with them is more perilous than poking a cobra with a stick.
They will break into your house and raid the fridge, they will turn on your telly and watch the superbowl, then they will crap in your cupboard, trash the bin, rip up your clothes and then get trapped somewhere by accident.
It is at this point that they are most dangerous because when you find them in their trapped place they will probably be wearing your underwear and they are so embarrassed at being caught that they react with extreme violence - leaping from the trapped place and attacking your ankles'.
Fing looks at Trotter with a sceptical eye and asks, 'Are you sure you're not making this up as you go along?'
'No,' says Trotter. 'I know this for a fact as I am distantly related to them'
'Saints preserve us' mutters Fing and gets back to his broidery anglaise.
