The place the world forgot

It is a lovely spring day. The children on the estate are entertaining themselves with a spot of random vandalising, as is their wont, while the pets find other things to occupy their time.

Fing is outside washing his beloved Ferrari, he is talking to Swetty Netty, who is hanging over her fence watching the vandalising children in the middle distance. They are discussing the time when children had been bought up to be seen and not heard, not let loose upon the world as mindless hooligans with wanton destruction on their minds, well, unless you were the son of a football hooligan, then wanton destruction was probably the only thing on your mind.

So Netty chats as Fing lovingly buffs his beautiful shiny car.

Meanwhile, on the basket ball court, Tutz is hanging out and chatting to the kids as they leap around pretending to be in South Central LA. Tutz cannot determine if she would like to be a blood or a cripple, as neither option seems entirely attractive. She hopes she will not have to kill anyone to be forced to join a gang as she fears she may shoot herself be accident. And so she sits in the sun on top of the railings and watches as the boys leap around with their balls.

Trotter and Giggsey Girl the Stupid Slug face are in the front garden, where there are no potted plants to instigate Trotters appetite for destruction. They are customising a shopping trolley into a go kart with go faster stripes, a comfy covered seating area, with a roof top restaurant. They can be seen having a tug of war with a tape measure and squabbling over switches of material for the seats. All they have managed to achieve so far is the go faster stripes, and that is only because Trotter found the tin of paint by accident and shook it in a frenzy, shaking red paint all over the trolley and only narrowly avoiding the Giggs, who leapt out of the way like a gazelle into the relative safety of next doors dustbin.

Truly Scrumptious Lulu and Fat Boy Faggot are in the garden sunning themselves. They are drinking white wine and discussing Jordan's pregnancy whilst watching the children through the fence. The vandalising children are currently dismantling a brick wall and throwing the bricks at each other, Fag and Lulu watch them and agree that in an ideal world an accident would happen, its not like any one would really miss the children, is it?

Fat Boy Faggot can remember when the sumo child from next door got hit in the face with a cricket bat, and how we all laughed quietly from behind the curtains. Lulu reminisces about the time that the mad woman upstairs had lost it and was throwing potatoes at the children, then started throwing over her furniture as well until 6 policemen had wrestled her into a riot van.

'Mind you' says Faggy, 'we haven't had a good Jumper for a while have we?', they discuss the last time someone had threatened to throw themselves off the bridge and how everyone got out blankets and sat on the rivers edge having picnics watching the police trying to encourage him back to the relative safety of the housing estate. 'How we loved to shout 'JUMP!' occasionally, just for a laugh' they smile to themselves and laugh, as a large brick sails through the air on the other side of the fence, landing with a thud in Thelma's garden.

The sun is out, spring is in the air.

Preachers Lane, enter at own risk.