What becomes of the totally wankered?

The weekend passed in a drunken haze.

Milly Pav arrived at 1 and everything disintegrated shortly after.

We sat in the Brewery Gate and drank like prohibition was going to be enforced around mid afternoon.

We drank pints and shooters for some time before deciding that we should go home and compose ourselves.

Trotter was very pleased to see us, inebriated as we were, and started to leap around the table and bark at the chair. Lulu eyed us a bit nervously from the sofa and growled, just in case we needed warning (It wasn't until a drunk Mr Cod arrived much later that her full wrath was unleashed. The 'full wrath' package has resulted in Lulu biting through Mr Cod's nose before now. This is not bad for a small dog with only one tooth)

We ordered pizza as we were ravenous. It arrived with the customary Garlic and Herb dip which proved difficult to open, so Milan took the bull by the horns and tried to open it with his teeth resulting in the pot spilling down his top. It looked like a seagull had perhaps evacuated its bowels on the unfortunate Pav. Not fazed by the dip Milan took off the soiled garment and proceeded to dance around the sitting room topless in the style of a disabled, drunken, pole dancer on acid. This lurid and erratic dancing was warmly received by the cats who always appreciate any kind of floor show, but not so by Marth, who had escaped into the garden to get away from it all.

Milan, never one for niceties, decided that he would go and dance outside in the garden and proceeded to cavort madly around the fishpond. In the distance I heard some one shout 'Put a shirt on you daft cunt!', but Milan was too far gone to care.

It wasn't until I'd had a bath and tried on a few outfits and several pairs of shoes, and was trying to apply makeup with an errant, drunk hand, and had eyeliner everywhere but my eyes and mascara in my hair that Milan looked at me and slurred, 'La. Do you think we might be too drunk to go back out again?'. As I couldn't actually stand up I decided that Mil had a point and so decided to stay in.

Milan, however, got a phone call and went to the Jolly, and god alone knows what happened from there.