He knows

The pets are writing their letters to Father Christmas.

Tutz would like new attachments and upgrades to her scratchy pole.

Fat Boy Faggot would like a special cat hammock for the side of the bath.

Truly Scumptious Lulu, the chubbiest dog in the west is asking for a waterbed and a years supply of chocolate eclairs.

Giggsey Girl, the stupid slug face, is asking for a chamois leather, so she can buff herself up to a wondrous and near impossible shine in the morning.

Fing, the cat I can't forget, wants a new samba outfit and an E Type Jag.

And Trotter? Poor Dear Demented Trotter wants a beautiful beaded ruff, in scarlet. He wants a battery powered toy car and a pretend sub machine gun. He wants a toy train and an eagle eye action man.

Poor Trotter. The way it's going its going to be yet another year of disappointment with nothing but a lump of coal in the bottom of his stocking.