It has been a trying week.
First of all I get a verbal warning for not reaching my core responsibilities, then to add insult to injury, Ashley, Kelly and Myself end up in some ridiculous brawl and end up all covered in cuts and bruises.
It wasn't till yesterday that I discovered that I have concussion and am, under no circumstances, allowed on any rollercoasters.
The pets have been absolute angels and have rallied round to help.
Lulu has acted as a hot water bottle and has kept me warm and snug. Trotter has moderated his barking so the reverberations do not rattle around my head like shotgun fire. Giggsey Girl the stupid Slug Face has taken to making vast quantities of tea and Fing has been answering the door and replying to the post. Fat Boy Faggot has been doing the cleaning.
Unfortunately, Martha has some new high blood pressure tablets, one of the side effects of which are confusion.
I'm concussed, Marthas confused.
Can you find it in your hearts to pray for us?
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
One day in May
THE WEEKEND IS HERE!
Trotters and Fing are planning a trip to the coast in Fings Ferrari, now that the new dog ramp that supports canines of up to 20 stone has arrived, the world is their oyster. Fing has purchased a lovely picnic hamper and has filled it full with all of their favourite things.
There is mineral water or Lauren Perrier to drink. There is cubed cheese and sliced chicken to eat. There is Old Cat Iams and Young Adventurous Dog Iams to suck on during the journey down. As a treat for the beach there is is caviar with pickled eggs and a packet of Revels for dessert.
Trotter and Fing know how to live in style.
Meanwhile, Tutz will be cleaning her scratchy pole whilst listening to Amy Winehouse.
Martha will be pottering around in her own world of madness.
Varne will go to bed hoping that she is not woken up by men in drag in the early hours of the morning.
Lulu is posing in front of the mirror upstairs as she has just got back from the poodle parlour and has such a lovely new haircut that she is transfixed by the sight of her shapely little figure in the mirror. The excess hair made her look 3 stone heavier she decides.
Fat Boy Faggot is preparing for a trip to the Vauxhall Tavern and a brief sojourn in Chariots, perhaps, if the fancy takes him.
And Giggsey Girl the Stupid Slug face? She hasn't decided what she wants to do this weekend, and may purchase a bottle of Silver Merrydown, just for old times sake.
Trotters and Fing are planning a trip to the coast in Fings Ferrari, now that the new dog ramp that supports canines of up to 20 stone has arrived, the world is their oyster. Fing has purchased a lovely picnic hamper and has filled it full with all of their favourite things.
There is mineral water or Lauren Perrier to drink. There is cubed cheese and sliced chicken to eat. There is Old Cat Iams and Young Adventurous Dog Iams to suck on during the journey down. As a treat for the beach there is is caviar with pickled eggs and a packet of Revels for dessert.
Trotter and Fing know how to live in style.
Meanwhile, Tutz will be cleaning her scratchy pole whilst listening to Amy Winehouse.
Martha will be pottering around in her own world of madness.
Varne will go to bed hoping that she is not woken up by men in drag in the early hours of the morning.
Lulu is posing in front of the mirror upstairs as she has just got back from the poodle parlour and has such a lovely new haircut that she is transfixed by the sight of her shapely little figure in the mirror. The excess hair made her look 3 stone heavier she decides.
Fat Boy Faggot is preparing for a trip to the Vauxhall Tavern and a brief sojourn in Chariots, perhaps, if the fancy takes him.
And Giggsey Girl the Stupid Slug face? She hasn't decided what she wants to do this weekend, and may purchase a bottle of Silver Merrydown, just for old times sake.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Little Warrior
George 1999 - 2007
As you are aware, last week, George, a Jack Russell from New Zealand selflessly gave up his own life to save the lives of 5 children he had been playing with.
The SPCK has postumously awarded the little fellow a bravery medal, and US Vietnam veteran Jerrell Hudman was so moved by the story he decided to forward his own Purple Heart to honour the little dogs bravery.
The SPCA medal is usually awarded to people for their bravery in defending animals.
"George was a very brave little dog who almost certainly prevented severe injury, if not death, to at least one of the children,'' SPCA chief executive Robyn Kippenberger said.
"It's truly tragic that he paid with his own life for his instinctive act of courage.''
Hudman, 58, of Austin, Texas was a US Marine for 30 years and said he decided to send his Purple Heart to George's owner Alan Gay after reading the news on the Internet because the dog was "a little warrior''.
The Purple Heart is awarded to those killed or injured fighting for the US military.
As you are aware, last week, George, a Jack Russell from New Zealand selflessly gave up his own life to save the lives of 5 children he had been playing with.
The SPCK has postumously awarded the little fellow a bravery medal, and US Vietnam veteran Jerrell Hudman was so moved by the story he decided to forward his own Purple Heart to honour the little dogs bravery.
The SPCA medal is usually awarded to people for their bravery in defending animals.
"George was a very brave little dog who almost certainly prevented severe injury, if not death, to at least one of the children,'' SPCA chief executive Robyn Kippenberger said.
"It's truly tragic that he paid with his own life for his instinctive act of courage.''
Hudman, 58, of Austin, Texas was a US Marine for 30 years and said he decided to send his Purple Heart to George's owner Alan Gay after reading the news on the Internet because the dog was "a little warrior''.
The Purple Heart is awarded to those killed or injured fighting for the US military.
'He saved my life'
*Thanks to the Daily Telegraph for pictures
Once upon a Madness
I suppose you all wonder how the Fancy Dress Party went?
Its not easy though, is it?
We got ready at Mine, Fillipa a vision in pink satin and Gru looking like a crack-whore in turquoise. We left mine to be subject to a flurry of homophobic abuse from some neanderthal teenagers with a combined IQ of a peanut, who then proceeded to follow us round to the pub in a threatening manner.
Luckily, have high heels can travel, even in a slightly lopsy manner, and we teetered all the way to the pub without mishap.
It was the usual sort of Fancy Dress Party, with Fillipa pulling up her satin tights in the middle of the pub without a shred of decorum, while Gru sat there with his legs wide open like a Labourer in the wrong place at the wrong time, and in a dress by accident.
We all got drunk and then a large group of us weaved our way to the Coven.
It was shortly afterwards that 2 drunks arrived at the pub and tried to make off with the charity money on the door.
Thankfully Robin Hood and Maid Marion and an assortment of dwarves were there to pin one to the ground, while Tweedle Dum, Puss in Boots, Prince Charming, Hermes, Alice and Wonderland, The Queen of Hearts and the White Rabbit stood round and watched. One of the thieves escaped over the balcony in the style of Spiderman, he obviously didn't realise that the Super hero's party is in June.
Its not easy though, is it?
We got ready at Mine, Fillipa a vision in pink satin and Gru looking like a crack-whore in turquoise. We left mine to be subject to a flurry of homophobic abuse from some neanderthal teenagers with a combined IQ of a peanut, who then proceeded to follow us round to the pub in a threatening manner.
Luckily, have high heels can travel, even in a slightly lopsy manner, and we teetered all the way to the pub without mishap.
It was the usual sort of Fancy Dress Party, with Fillipa pulling up her satin tights in the middle of the pub without a shred of decorum, while Gru sat there with his legs wide open like a Labourer in the wrong place at the wrong time, and in a dress by accident.
We all got drunk and then a large group of us weaved our way to the Coven.
It was shortly afterwards that 2 drunks arrived at the pub and tried to make off with the charity money on the door.
Thankfully Robin Hood and Maid Marion and an assortment of dwarves were there to pin one to the ground, while Tweedle Dum, Puss in Boots, Prince Charming, Hermes, Alice and Wonderland, The Queen of Hearts and the White Rabbit stood round and watched. One of the thieves escaped over the balcony in the style of Spiderman, he obviously didn't realise that the Super hero's party is in June.
Tranmission Vamp
I hae to apologise for the lack of tranmission. I have been subject to a brutal and completely unnecessary disciplinary at work at the hands of my evil and twisted manager, and have spent days formulating my defence.
Full story and pics later.
Full story and pics later.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Once Upon a Time
The day has arrived.
I have been out and purchased a new basket to go with my lovely red velvet cloak.
Gruey was so overcome with excitement at the thought of going out in drag that he couldn't stop himself from bouncing up and down on the bed, despite poor Wayne trying to have a lie in.
I have to go to Primark for pink tights to go with Filipa's fuschia silk dress, and boots for glitter spray for our hair.
Ezra has been out to the shops and purchased an outfit, but refuses to divulge its kind.
Full story and pics later!
I have been out and purchased a new basket to go with my lovely red velvet cloak.
Gruey was so overcome with excitement at the thought of going out in drag that he couldn't stop himself from bouncing up and down on the bed, despite poor Wayne trying to have a lie in.
I have to go to Primark for pink tights to go with Filipa's fuschia silk dress, and boots for glitter spray for our hair.
Ezra has been out to the shops and purchased an outfit, but refuses to divulge its kind.
Full story and pics later!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Hero
I read a story earlier that bought a lump to my throat, and which had already reduced Lulu to tears.
This week in New Zealand a tiny dog faced huge odds to protect 5 children that were not even his own.
George, a tiny jack Russel, met some of his neighbours children on the way home from the sweet shop and was playing with them when suddenly, 2 pit bull terriers rounded the corner.
The pit bulls were out for blood, and barking and snarling ran towards the children
George knew what he had to do.
At under a foot high and with a heart condition, the tiny dog, with that damaged heart that was still bigger than a lion's, raced towards the pit bulls. He ran at them and charged in with his small compact terrier body.
So, of course, the pit bulls turned their attention to the wonderful, heroic little creature, and the children ran away to safety.
George was still alive when they found him, but had been so badly mauled that he could not be repaired, and was put to sleep.
I don't know if dog's go to heaven, but if they do George will be sat on a golden cushion, where he will never want for anything, ever again. He will never again feel the wind on his back, or the sun on his face, but one day he will be reunited with the children whose lives he saved, and with everyone who ever loved him.
Rest in peace wee man.
This week in New Zealand a tiny dog faced huge odds to protect 5 children that were not even his own.
George, a tiny jack Russel, met some of his neighbours children on the way home from the sweet shop and was playing with them when suddenly, 2 pit bull terriers rounded the corner.
The pit bulls were out for blood, and barking and snarling ran towards the children
George knew what he had to do.
At under a foot high and with a heart condition, the tiny dog, with that damaged heart that was still bigger than a lion's, raced towards the pit bulls. He ran at them and charged in with his small compact terrier body.
So, of course, the pit bulls turned their attention to the wonderful, heroic little creature, and the children ran away to safety.
George was still alive when they found him, but had been so badly mauled that he could not be repaired, and was put to sleep.
I don't know if dog's go to heaven, but if they do George will be sat on a golden cushion, where he will never want for anything, ever again. He will never again feel the wind on his back, or the sun on his face, but one day he will be reunited with the children whose lives he saved, and with everyone who ever loved him.
Rest in peace wee man.
If
In the 1940's there were only 40 Siberian Tigers left in the wild.
With a hunting ban put in place and help from conservation societies, within 60 years the population has risen to 600.
If we put our minds to it we could still have orangutans in 20 years time, we could save the mountain gorrillas from the mists, we could stop global warming so that polar bears and penguins had lovely freezing places to be.
If we really wanted to, we could.
Wings of a duck
The Street Ducks had learnt their lesson from yesterdays madness and had roosted high on the embankment where Truly Scrumptious Lulu's fat little body couldn't get them.
This one watched me with a beady duck eye while his friends practised their line dancing routines.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Dawn of the Duck
This morning, on our walk, Truly Scumptious Lulu, Trotter and Myself were approached by some street ducks.
The Street Ducks were all sitting in the shade of the cherry trees by the bank and were all quacking softly to themselves in the shade as a light mist rose off the river into the hazy morning sunshine.
Lulu was sniffing the grass and Trotters was just standing there so I stood to take the air and the pretty view, when all of a sudden a little brown female made a bee line for us, presuming we had food.
We all stood there for a moment, when all of a sudden and with no warning, Lulu slipped her lead and ran amongst the sleeping ducks and scattered them to the four winds, while Trotters barked and tugged on his lead.
Everytime I got near her she would suddenly hair off in a different direction, until all the street ducks had taken to the tree's and I was bright red in the face.
I am of the firm opinion that you should always let sleeping ducks lie but all Lulu can see is crispy fried duck in a lovely pancake with hoisin sauce. If you are Duck Boy however you can only find ducks on the continent.
The Street Ducks were all sitting in the shade of the cherry trees by the bank and were all quacking softly to themselves in the shade as a light mist rose off the river into the hazy morning sunshine.
Lulu was sniffing the grass and Trotters was just standing there so I stood to take the air and the pretty view, when all of a sudden a little brown female made a bee line for us, presuming we had food.
We all stood there for a moment, when all of a sudden and with no warning, Lulu slipped her lead and ran amongst the sleeping ducks and scattered them to the four winds, while Trotters barked and tugged on his lead.
Everytime I got near her she would suddenly hair off in a different direction, until all the street ducks had taken to the tree's and I was bright red in the face.
I am of the firm opinion that you should always let sleeping ducks lie but all Lulu can see is crispy fried duck in a lovely pancake with hoisin sauce. If you are Duck Boy however you can only find ducks on the continent.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
May Day
Once again it is glorious May Morning, when those with very little common sense like to toss themselves off Magdelen Bridge into the shallow waters of the river in order to break limbs and maim themselves.
This customary tossing is watched by a crowd of bloodthirsty maniacs who like to encourage the tossers by cheering in an exuberant fashion hoping to catch sight of a broken ankle, bloodied nose or fractured skull when the tossers are ferried back up the bank up by emergency services.
This year then, both the tossers and the braying mob would have been sorely disappointed as the police closed off the bridge and refused to join in with the May Day festivities.
Common sense prevailed and the crowd, looking for blood and carrying a Wickerman, burning brands, and an assortment of pitchforks, went on a witch hunt instead.
Meanwhile, normal people danced around hitting each other over the heads with inflated pigs bladders on sticks, bells round their toes and waving hankies in the air. Other normal people could be seen dressed as tree's, or with large horns attached to their head, and many more wore large hats covered in spring flowers.
Thankfully there was a large proportion of the extremely drunk who evened out the odds a little, and a good time was had by all.
This customary tossing is watched by a crowd of bloodthirsty maniacs who like to encourage the tossers by cheering in an exuberant fashion hoping to catch sight of a broken ankle, bloodied nose or fractured skull when the tossers are ferried back up the bank up by emergency services.
This year then, both the tossers and the braying mob would have been sorely disappointed as the police closed off the bridge and refused to join in with the May Day festivities.
Common sense prevailed and the crowd, looking for blood and carrying a Wickerman, burning brands, and an assortment of pitchforks, went on a witch hunt instead.
Meanwhile, normal people danced around hitting each other over the heads with inflated pigs bladders on sticks, bells round their toes and waving hankies in the air. Other normal people could be seen dressed as tree's, or with large horns attached to their head, and many more wore large hats covered in spring flowers.
Thankfully there was a large proportion of the extremely drunk who evened out the odds a little, and a good time was had by all.
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