Thelma

Trotter spent a very disturbed evening at home yesterday and had to be bribed with copious amounts of cheese and chicken pieces to stop him barking.

His arch enemy, Themla, was in her garden next door, Thelma, who would fit in the cast of 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' was enjoying the sun. She was talking to her tomotoes, dancing and clapping like a disjointed marionette with most of the strings missing. She was wearing a stretchy headband with bits of dandelion leaves underneath to shelter her eyes from the sun.

Trotter has a seventh sense and knows she is in the garden even if we have all the curtains closed and the TV up really loud. Thelma's mental emanations seep through the floor and Trotter picks it up like radar.

It drives him to distraction and he barks in a frenzy unable to stop. He has to be put on his lead and held like a baby and talked to in quiet calming tones, but unfortunately this is only a short term measure as as long as she's in the garden he barks.

Poor us.