Our Family

Last night I stood in a foul mood cooking ratatoiue.

Trotter was spinning next to me, knocking into my legs and occasionally falling over with the dizziness.

Lulu was barking in an irritating manner from just outside the kitchen, spasmodically, and at different pitches.

Fing was sat on the top miaowing as if the world was about to end, head thrown back at the top of his voice, for no fucking reason what so ever. The bowls of food were freshly filled, nice new crunchy biscuits, but no, the shithead was not to be appeased.

I have no fags so I call up Martha who is at Varnes, watching Gruey cut Carleens hair and plead for a cigarette.

I'll pop one down' she says.

So there she is, in silhouette against the door. Now Trotter and Lulu are barking in the hall, with a pissed off Fing, distracted from his wailing, weaving in and out of everyone's feet like a great white out of water.

Martha, in her wisdom, shouts 'IN THE LETTERBOX' through the glass.

So I bend over just in time for Trotter to leap at the door, hitting me on the chin, making me scream at the top of my voice,

'FFFOOORRRRRR FFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKSSSSS SSSSSAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEEE!

Martha said she was ever so embarrassed outside as some passing strangers stopped and peered at the house.