And then

The rest of the day started with Martha and I being unable to get hold of Varne, a most unsettling and unusual occurrence. I ended up walking down to see if she was at home, only to find her lying prostrate on top of a blow up mattress, 'hellloooo?' she whispered as I walked in the door.

It transpired Varne had been tripping the light fantastic until 5 in the morning and looked as though she could probably benefit from a years bed rest. Obviously bed rest is not an option when shopping is on the cards so, being the complete trooper that she is, Varne composed herself and was ready in 15 minutes.

We left the estate pushing the trolley and heading for Primark.

Varne advised that she would need to stop for a bottle of Lucozade at some point as her mouth was 'as dry as a nun's cunt'. Having a hangover from hell myself, I could only concur.

It was when I was withdrawing cash at the Halifax that we noticed the sale in the Disney shop. Varne's eyes lit up like a fruit machine when its just about to pay out. It was proper bargain paradise and we stocked up on bags full of reduced Disney crap to give to people next Christmas.

We went to Primark next and as it was Pension day Martha bought everyone gifts.

Shane arrived shortly afterwards and we went to Sainsburys where Martha and Varne were harangued by a cripple with his own M&S shopping trolley who persuaded them to walk him back to his own home.

Shane and I thought fuck that for a game of soldiers and did a runner with our shopping and went home for a cup of tea. Martha, Varne and Mrs Warboise ended up having to escort the shambling cripple and his trolley full of produce all the way to the bad lands of Riverside Court where all the drunks, druggies, disabled and traffic wardens have to live. Its a modern day Bedlam but without any nice wardens to beat the inmates senseless if they get too unruly, which I think is a dreadful pity.

So, having drunk tea and eaten donuts we went to the Goldfish Bowl and inadvertently stumbled across the complete cutie who served us. We asked him questions for ages just so we could look at his lovely face, but eventually we got to the front of the queue and were served by an upsetting man with a face like a toad, well although he resembled a toad he face wasn't actually green/browny like a taod, because that would be downright peculiar, aquatic centre or not.

After that Eryc came round for dinner and we were awed and stunned by the celebrities ice skating on what ever the TV show is called, and then I went to work at The Brewery Gate.

Now I am home and its the end of the day. I don't know if tomorrow will have heron's or mad cripples or any ice skating, but I shall let you know when I find out.