Thelma

As you are all aware, Trotter is so jam packed full of naughtiness that its inevitable that some of it has to escape.

The escaping naughtiness can sometimes be amusing, sometimes loud. Sometimes annoying and sometimes very stingy.

On Monday night the naughtiness came in the form of stingy.

The utter lunacy that is Thelma, next door, decided that she would purchase a can of cat food and a can of dog food for our pets, as she is prone to do on occasion. Sometimes she scrapes at the door with a bony finger and sometimes she stands by the front gate in a bemused fashion waiting for one of us to come out. On this particular pet food parcel occasion she choose to wait for one of us in her own front yard behind the enormous rosemary bush.

So, there she stood stood behind the aromatic herbs, singing hymns to occupy herself as she waited, swaying gently from side to side. Occasionally she clapped, or tried an experimental hop, just to keep herself amused.

So when Martha and a giddy Trotter came back from their walk, she leapt out from behind the bush in an excitable manner, waving the plastic bag and talking gibberish with a Jamaican accent. This, along with her slippers, red and black stripy socks, knitted hat and waterproof jacket was too much for Trotter to bear.

He leaped for the bag which by this point had been passed to a horrified Martha. And so, unfortunately, it was that Marthas hand was bitten by Trotters slavering 'anti Thelma' jaws. (As, not only is Trotter driven to distraction by bags, Thelma is the thing he hates the most in the world. More than pot plants, more than bedroom doors, moor than his own dinner bowl)

Embittered by the pain , Martha threw the bag of cans to the floor and stormed into the house crying 'WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO DO IT?', gripping her crippled appendage to her chest as if it were a wounded baby. 'WHY?'

'Because shes barking mad, Martha', i replied, but this fell on stony ground. Martha sat and muttered and rocked on the sofa in pain.

Trotter fell into a deep sleep, having discharged a sizable chunk of naughtiness he was able to rest, peacefully, for a whole half an hour. Unlike Martha, who is still in pain 3 days later.