Show

Today in Preachers Lane, the Pets are having an amateur talent contest.

Trotters is tap dancing as we speak, tip tappying his way round the room as the other pets watch from the sofa's.

Fing has bored everyone to tears with his 'I Claudius' rendition, Fat Boy Faggots limbo dancing was very warmly received and earned a heartfelt round of applause.

Tutz has done a variety of invertebrate impressions. As you are well aware her octopus is a work of beauty, and sometimes when she has been hanging in a boneless fashion over the top of her scratchy pole she has been mistaken for a grey furry squid.

Truly Scrumptious Lulu, the chubbiest dog in the west, received a gasp of delight as she came in the room in a variety of veils and proceeded to belly dance. It is said the most warmly received belly dancers in Turkey are those with ample proportions, and it was exactly the same in the front room. There was lots of cheering and 'huzzahs!' as Lulu gyrated madly around the coffee table.

Giggsey Girl the stupid slug face has amazed everyone with her magic tricks. She put Tutz in a box and sawed her in half. Tutz thought this was even madder than usual and chirped and 'PPPRrroot'ed in a wild and excitable fashion, large yellow eyes like saucers. Giggsey then pulled Trotter out of a cardboard box, which came as a bit of a surprise for Trotter because he didn't realise he was in there in the first place. She played card tricks and read peoples minds, she made David Copperfield disappear and thankfully couldn't remember how to bring him back again. She made a locomotive appear and race through the sitting room, which everyone was very excited about as they got some snacks from the restaurant carriage.

All in all the pets decided that Giggsey deserved the prize for such a great talent, and all agreed that she really had been hiding a light under a bushel for far too long.