Can they?

The evening started well.

Mrs Warboise and Varne arrived first, and were shown to their seats by a very respectable Trotter, who had had his hair brushed and was sporting a bow tie.

Mr Cod turned up next on special brew and a little confused, but as this is not unusual, he was seated in the garden on the back bench, underneath the tree. Fly was the last to arrive with a crate of cider, and in due course, seated. Martha, proud mother, was closest to the stage so she could see all her darlings to their best advantage and the scene was set.

The pets had rigged up some curtains, so as a small drum roll was beaten out by Fat Boy on the drum, Lulu and Giggsey girl drew back the safety curtain and the magical backdrop of the bench surrounded by fairy lights was visible for all to see.

At this point Fing arrived dressed in a tux, baton under arm and mounted his special platform in the middle of the pond. He explained that we were there due to Tutz's wish to be a bat, and how he had re written an operatic classic.

'And with that, Ladies and gentlemen, he said to the crowd, 'i present: 'Madame, Can Cats Fly?'

And so it began, the cats voices raised in beautiful harmony to represent the arrival in Preachers Lane of a sailor, from distant shores, and his desire for a beautiful young woman, who lost her heart.

Their voices trilled and swept like swallows on the wing as the little opera unfolded, with Lulus tenor, Trotters base and Fat Boys soprano, it was enough to bring a take your breath away.

The crowd were awestruck, and a tear could be seen in Martha's eye, surreptitiously wiped away with an emotional finger.

The score progressed with the sailor leaving, and how, in her despair she withdrew into madness, and decided that she would follow him to distant shores by fashioning herself wings to follow him across the ocean.

All of a sudden, on a mellow note, Tutz swept out of the bedroom window and walked across the top of the ramshackle awning. It should have been a beautiful moment, but in her knicker wings and small grey crash helmet she resembled nothing so much as a crash test dummy in drag.

'FUCK ME!' Mr Cod exclaimed from under the tree, only to have a withering look from Fing and collective 'SShhhS' from every one else.

She stood there with tragedy across her little face, and as the other pets reached a crescendo, she leapt from the top of the ramshackle awning and took flight.

There was a gasp of collective awe as her little fat furry body was up lit by the fairy lights and the knicker wings took on a luminous glow. All of a sudden the world seemed a more wonderful place and a heartfelt feeling of joy appeared in the hearts of all the audience.

It was perhaps then tragic that the knicker wings, more a flight of fancy than a work in process, suddenly, and with no warning, abruptly folded upwards leaving Tutz unsupported. With no preamble and almost instantaneously, her tiny body plummeted into the fish pond showering everyone with water and fusing the lights.

There was a moments horrified silence before every cried out in alarm! Suddenly it was a hive of activity as Trotter got out the fish net and proceded to fish the poor drowned girl from the water.

Thankfully, Tutz only suffered from the blow to her dignity, and was comforted by Varne with a hot toddy and heated towels from the tumble dryer.

In the chaos and confusion Mr Cod, who had been forgotten in the garden and was staring morosely into the pond said 'I knew i hated fucking opera'.