Carpet Day

I have neglected to mention that Carpet Day has come and been!

Some time ago I mentioned our visit to Carpet Right and the off cut of carpet for the stairs. Since then there has been a hive of activity. Varne and Truly Scrumptious Lulu, the chubbiest dog in the west, unrolled the off cut and measured the stairs, all the while with Trotter watching with a keen eye and slavering lip through the security gate.

Fing sat on the top step and shouted instructions to Varne, who muttered 'fuck off you pussy little bitch' under her breath and carried on stapling the carpet to the stairs.

Within the course of an afternoon each step was carpeted and the creak of the steps gone!

The following day Filipa arrived in her love wagon and took the girls up to Wickes to buy beading to finish off the job.

On arrival home Fillipa cut the batons into pieces and was given the job of painting them with wood stain in Varnes hallway, on top of the freezer underneath the stairs. Varne carefully laid down newspaper and Fillipa carefully and diligently painted all the wooden strips before sitting down for a cup of tea and a slice of cake.

Half an hour later Varne said, 'lets have a look at those strips then', so Fillipa went to the hall and came back and unravelled the wood/ newspaper combination to reveal he had, unwittingly, made a set of concertina blinds completely by accident. He then had to spend an hour picking all the bits of wood off the paper before they could be nailed in to place. I could be wrong but I imagine Varne may have used the word 'Cuntstruck' at some point during this period.

But all this aside, and a further trip to Wickes on Good FRiday has resulted in the stairs being loving finished in a wonderful, some may say cobbled, fashion.