Help

I was at work at the pub earlier when a Muttering Moron entered the bar.

He looked like he'd stepped off a farm, all a bit tweedy, with a mop of hair and a bald patch.

He ordered a fosters and sat there and muttered, apparently to himself, although sometimes the muttering would gain pitch and intensity and if you listened really hard you could almost pick out entire sentences, you had to listen dead hard mind you, due to the speech impediment.

He muttered about his girlfriend who's cat was fierce as a tiger and who had to wrapped in a blanket to take tablets. He muttered about how all he'd ever wanted to be was a farmer, but that he had failed so joined the army instead. Muttered about his border collie Shep, who didn't mind taking tablets but was prone to attacking you if you ate food in front of him while sitting at the table.

I mentioned Trotter and his brain damage at this point, thinking it might strike a chord but the Moron went on to talk about farming and hadn't the snow been lovely to look at but a hindrance none the same?

And as I stood there, trying desperately not to get too drawn in, a nursery rhyme came to mind.

'Simple Simon met a pie man

On the way to fair

said simple Simon to the Pie Man

'What have you got there?'

Said the Pie Man to Simple Simon,

'Pies you fuckwit'